I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
