In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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