who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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