I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
