If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
