Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
