Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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