i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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