im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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