Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
