I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
