Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
