I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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