Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
