I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
