Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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