Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
