Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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