so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
