That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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