Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
