It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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