Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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