If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
