tonight lets celebrate not being married
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As shirtless as possible
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
