can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
