isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
