"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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