my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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