Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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