if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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