Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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