I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
