She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
