i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
