That's intense
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
