And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
