i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
