ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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