ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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