Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
