Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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