drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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