my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
