I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
