she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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