is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
