Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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