dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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