I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
