please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
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I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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