And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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