beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
