Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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