i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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