You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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