My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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