so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
